I dunno

Two weeks have come and gone.  The kid came back yesterday.  R kind of had a freak out while the Hubs got out of the car for the game of kiddo hand off.  He came back crying. Initially I thought it was due to having rules and discipline here in our house.  I am probably right.  He did come home and sleep for 6+ hours which leads me to believe that he did not have any structure while he was gone.

I can't say I am not surprised. He probably had two weeks of complete freedom.  Hubs asked him when he got back where he would rather live and he said he didn't want to know. I wonder to myself if he does go live with her if the last two weeks are a reflection of how is life would be.  Which is the kind of life he wants. No rules, no discipline and no responsibility.  How would he end up as an adult? I am a firm believer that kids need structure and to know the adult is your parents. We are there to guide them and help them grow. Yes, we are there to be form of the buddy as well. We are not there to be their friend though.  I never find myself in the frien or buddy category with K. I am the one who is always the parent, the disciplinarian and the rule maker. 

I can't say I am handling his return well.  I don't like my daughter to freak out because someone is coming home.  She is scared of him now and with good reason.  I don't trust him at all and I don't think I will be able to for quite a while. I honestly don't know how to deal with all of this still.

I have been praying all day every day for God to guide me or show me a sign.  I know he doesn't work in miracles and bill boards so I'm searching. Searching inside myself for what is right.  I feel like this is just a burden weighing on my heart. I have to protect my kids. I have to protect my marriage.  I sometimes want to leave but the husband says we have worked too hard to get to where we are. At the same time.....what is the point if K is going to continue to destroy thing we buy him, his sister and ourselves.  What is the point if he is going to burn the house down or just be completely unappreciative of everything we work our tails off to provide?