Step Parenting

I was reading a fellow step mommy's blog today. She expressed her emotions now that she is pregnant with a biological child how she feels toward her own step son. She expressed that the case was she didn't love hi any more or any less. She just loved him differently.

I think as a step parent at times you are expected to act a certain way. Most people expect you to take that child and love them as your own. Don't get me wrong, you do love that child with all of your heart but it's a different kind of love when you have kids of your own. I love my step son. He is my son. You can't parent a child for 6 years and be the primary parent basically and not love a child. I guess you can, but I don't see how you can. In saying that, I have two biological children of my own who I love. With no expressions of grandeur I just love them. They are part of me. This doesn't make me love our oldest any less just because I didn't give birth to him. (despite what some people think)

Other people expect you to hate your step kids and for them to hate you. These kids already have a mother or a father and they don't need you for anything.

There are those lucky few who get to be their step kids friend and love them just the same without the pressure of having to be the parent, care taker or disciplinarian. I envy these lucky few.
In my experience in step parenting it comes as almost a second job. You have to show your spouse you can accept and love their child. For a lot of single parents dating with children this is a requisite. Love my kid or I don't love you. You have to show your spouses family that no matter what you will treat that child as an equal to your own. You have to show the other parent you will love their child even though they may resent you or you them. That kid is your common ground. In some cases you have to prove to their family, friends, and acquaintances you love that kid too.

You can never ever show the slightest difference towards the monkey in the middle aka step kid. In the beginning of these types of relationships a lot of step parents or step parents to be walk on egg shells because you have to prove so much to so many others when the only person you really should be worrying about is yourself and that kid and the type of relationship you have.

In a perfect world people would mind their own business. People meaning all factors that are not you, your partner and the other bio parent. Alas we do not live in a perfect world. If we did the bio parents could get along without using the child as a bargaining chip. There wouldn't be extreme animosity between SP (step parent) and BP (bio parent).  Maybe someday I will create a step mommying self help program. It'll be step one in my way to creating a step Utopia. :)